in theGallery

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All Thumbs

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Aqua Punk

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Sapped

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Monkies

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Topics

Network News

the Apevine

Very Ape

Bananas

Monkie Business

November 6, 2001

Monkie Madness Giveaway! - Phase IV of the Monkie Madness Giveaway has officially come to a close. We will announce the winner of the Free Scanner tomorrow, November 7! Come back and see if you're our winner!

 

November 5, 2001

WOWSERS! - Due to the overwhelming response, we are giving everyone an extra day to sign up for the Free Scanner! Registrations will be accepted through Midnight tonight (Monday night). The winner will be announced Wednesday along with our update and the posting of some great new desktops. Hurry back!

Network News - Our Network Nose has informed us that Mr. Michele Bugliaro of Mikawares has New trash stories debunked!

The Monkie Man has also learned that three new stunning Desktop Pictures by Andy Moraitis will be gracing the pages of the White Fire web site. In addition, Andy's weekly column, "The View From Here" will be updated Wednesday, so don't forget to come back for your mid-week dose of Inspiration!

November 4, 2001

Monkie Madness Giveaway! - WHAT?!! You haven't signed up yet for the FREE SCANNER???!! Oh my GOSH! You better hurry before all the entry forms are gone! =) Just CLICK HERE!

 

November 2, 2001

Monkie See, Monkie News! - The Monkie Nostril wanted to let you nose...er, that's know that the White Fire Ministries web site will be updated Friday with three hot new desktops by Andy Moraitis. And if you haven't already, stop by to check out Andy's new weekly column "The View From Here".

The Nose also learned the crafty creator of Mikawares, Mr. Michele Bugliaro, has updated with two new desktops - "Save The Planet" and "Trance Neurobrain." Surf on over and take a look! Watcha waitin' for?!!

Giveaway! - Just a reminder...Don't forget to sign up for a Free Scanner! Winning is EASY. Hurry on over and sign up before it makes like a leaf and gets the heck outta here! CLICK HERE!

 

November 1, 2001

Virus Definitions - The November virus definitions for both Norton & Virex are available for download.

October 31- November 6, 2001

Monkie News! - Sufferin' succotash! Time for some fun! So much is going on, it's hard to keep up with all the events! So, whatever you do, don't be losin' your head over all the festivities. Let's just dive right into things and see what we have cookin'! Shall we?! =)

• First Up - The winner of the $75 gift certificate to Outpost.com is:

Alison Pierce

Congratulations!

• Phase IV - And now for our fourth and final phase of this month's Monkie Madness Giveaway:

A Mustek 1200 UB Plus Scanner is up for the taking! All you have to do is head over to our Giveaway Page and sign up for a chance to win. Watcha waitin' for? CLICK HERE!

• Four New Desktops! - We have four new desktops this week in the Gallery! We are very pleased to display Kara Kelly's Aqua Punk and Dan Flax's Monkies. This is quite the honor!

Also new in the Gallery is All Thumbs and Sapped. "Sapped" literally took days to render in Bryce 5!

• New Links! - New on our Links page are the sites of two fine desktop artists: Andy Moraitis' Ethereal Creations and Michele Bugliaro's Mikawares.

Easter Eggs - Apple has been known to hide "Easter Eggs", or little goodies that are found hidden within their software -- if you know just the right way to get to them. Well, just when you hadn't heard of any for a while, they pop up again -- in the iPod. The game "Breakout" is hidden within the iPod. If you are in the About screen and hold down the button in the center of the Jog for a length of time, the game "Breakout" will begin and you can play the game while you listen to music. -from Macobserver

GUI Finger! - Mr. Gold Finger Andy Moraitis of Ethereal Creations has some very fine additions to his newly located site at White Fire Ministries. Hurry over and have a look!

Balloons - An Englishman has set a new world record by inflating 600 balloons with helium and drifting into the air while holding on to them. The record set was the height he reached, 11,000 feet. This is the highest height yet to be reached using toy balloons. Ian Ashpole, 46, also set the record five years ago at 10,000 feet. As he reached 11,000 feet, the balloons started popping and Ashpole parachuted back to the ground. The new record was set October 28 near a town called Chatteris in England. - from Wired

Access Denied! - If you use a Mac and try to get to the Hotmail website using Entourage or Outlook Express, you won't have much luck. Entourage and Outlook Express, both Microsoft products, have left Mac users out in the cold because of tightened security. Hotmail accounts can still be accessed through the Hotmail website, but Microsoft's new upgrade to a "Passport authenication system" on their servers will be a temporary road block for Mac Users, depending on the browser they use. - from MacUser

Apple In Store - A delay has come to the opening of one of Apple's retail stores. MacCentral reported last week that "the Apple store at Tice's Corner Mall, Woodcliff Lake, NJ, will have its grand opening on Saturday, November 3" rather than last Saturday, October 27, 2001. Also soon to open is the Kenwood Towne Centre store in Cincinnati, OH.

What'd He Say? - On October 23rd, the Associated Press quoted Steve Jobs as saying that it would take 5 hours to download an entire CD-full of music onto a portable digital device. They were wrong. "It takes 5 minutes to transfer a CD's worth of music" is what Jobs really said. - from Excite

Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? - A British woman recently asked her bank for a loan, and wound up receiving a $13 million from them in the mail. Susan Anderson, 51, didn't even notice the mistake at first. Apparently the bank's slogan says "Always giving you extra". Anderson noticed that the check was a different amount than she had asked for, but assumed it was for twice the amount she had asked for. After looking at the check more closely, she notified the bank of the incorrect amount, which the bank contributed to a computer error. - from Excite

It's My Poddy - After local noise ordinances stopped Courtney Love's show recently at the Hollywood Bowl, she set up her band in the bathroom to finish it up. She had planned on debuting 4 songs at the October 27 show, but only got to perform 2 of them, ending her show at 11pm. Word has it that she did have an audience while playing in the bathroom that night -- the president of a major record label. - from Excite

Sleep On It- If sleeping is your hobby, there is a unique job available to you. The European Space Agency wants 14 volunteers to test the weightlessness of space on bones and muscle tissue. The volunteers must be European males between the ages of 25 and 45, non-smokers and they also must be thin. Volunteers will be put to bed with heads tilted down and will have to stay in that position to eat, shower and use the restroom. Some will stay in bed the whole time, some will excercise 3 times a week, and some will be given a drug to help counter bone loss. This will be phase 2 of an experiment which started last August in Toulouse, France. - from Excite

Crossdressing Calamity - Instead of going to jail, Jason Householder, 23, and John Stockum, 21 were offered the option of parading through their Ohio town dressed as women. The men were charged with throwing beer bottles at a women in a car. The judge, Hostetler, typically offers unorthodox sentences because of overcrowding in the jail. Householder and Stockum paraded the streets of Coshocton for an hour, as well as paying a $250 fine each. - from Excite

 

Have you Heard?

iPod Breakthrough? - Apple recently announced their latest breakthrogh device: the iPod. Or did they? Apparently Apple is not the only one with something named iPod. The computer chip giant Intel has a product already on the market with the same name: the iPOD (Internet Phone Over Data). The name, however, is where the similarities stop. Intel's product is a digital PBX system - "the kind of kit used by big business to hook together all its phone and data lines." The two systems are completely different except for the name, which by-the-way, the name has yet to be granted to either company as a trademark. Can you say "law suit?" - from The Register

iTunes 2! - Along with the introduction of the iPod came the announcement of iTunes 2. Apple reports that iTunes is "designed to automatically synchronize with the sensational new iPod." It also sports a new equalizer and Multilingual support that allows Japanese, Korean and Chinese characters - even in the same interface. The new version of iTunes will be out in early November.

Have some inside information on upcoming events? Review our Submission Policy and drop us a line!

 

Check 'em Out!

Talk About Coconuts! - Don't get stranded if you're looking for Gilligan's Island! There are plenty of fun stops where you won't get shipwrecked! Start off with Bob (Gilligan) and Dreama Denver's cozy Internet Island: Bob Denver's Gilligan Fan Club. There's plenty of Cruisin'with the Castaways at this nastalgic site. Oh, but there's more! Be sure to surf by The Professor's Place (Russell Johnson). And don't forget about the Many Faces Dawn Wells (Mary Ann)! Still want more? How about GilligansIsle.com? Don't go too coconuts...Check 'em out!

Just Plain Nutz!

YOU MIGHT BE AN INTERNET ADDICT IF (Part II)...

Your phone bill is as heavy as a brick.

You write your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.

You don't know the gender of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.

Your husband tells you that he has had the beard for 2 months.

You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.

You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" -- even though you don't have a job.

You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.

Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."

You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 3.0 or higher."

You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP... because you never log off.

You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.

Your wife says communication is important in a marriage... so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.

As your car crashes through the guard rail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.

 

TOP 10 REASONS WHY TV IS BETTER THAN THE NET:

10. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.

9. When was the last time you tuned in to "Melrose Place" and got an "Error 404" message?

8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV--even on MTV.

7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.

6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard.

5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign.

4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in.

3. You just can't find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web.

2. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO.

1. You can't surf the Web from a couch with a soda in one hand and Doritos in the other.

 

CAR TROUBLE

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't.

The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

 

PC HELP DESK! (Part I)

AUSTIN, Texas - The exasperated help-line caller saidshe couldn't get her new Dell computer to turn on.Jay Ablinger, a Dell Computer Corp. technician, made
sure the computer was plugged in and then asked thewoman what happened when she pushed the power button."I've pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothinghappens," the woman replied. "Foot pedal?" the technician asked. "Yes," the woman said, "this little white footpedal with the on switch." The "foot pedal," it turnedout, was the computer's mouse, a hand-operated device that helps to control the computer's operations.

One woman called Dell's toll-free line to ask how to install batteries in her laptop. When told that the directions were on the first page of the manual, says
Steve Smith, Dell director of technical support, the woman replied angrily, "I just paid $2,000 for this!@#? thing, and I'm not going to read a book."

Compaq's help center in Houston, Texas, is inundated by some 8,000 consumer calls a day, with inquiries like his one related by technician John Wolf: "A frustrated customer called, who said her brand new Contura would
not work. She said she had unpacked the unit, plugged it in, opened it up and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, 'What power switch?'"

Seemingly simple computer features baffle some users. So many people have called to ask where the "any" key is when "Press Any Key" flashes on the screen that Compaq is considering changing the command to "Press Return Key."

Some people can't figure out the mouse. Tamra Eagle, an AST technical support supervisor, says one customer complained that her mouse was hard to control with the "dust cover" on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. Dell technician Wayne Zieschang says one of his customers held the mouse and pointed it at the screen, all the while clicking madly.

 

Have a good line or two that would put a smile on an Ape Face? Check out MacMonkies' Submission Policy and drop us a line!

Odds and Ends

VIRTUE

Love means to love that which is unlovable, or it is no virtue at all;
Forgiving means to pardon that which is unpardonable, or it is no virtue at all -
and to hope means hoping when things are hopeless, or it is no virtue at all.

-G.K.Chesterton

 

THE TRUTH

When in doubt, tell the truth.

-Mark Twain

 

 

 

the Bottom Line (What more did you expect?! )

Chicago Tribune's James Coates says to "Pitch Your Pentium!"

For a mere $4 million "clams," you can live in a Yellow Submarine

Special pimple powers of a common seaweed discovered by a company on a tiny island off western France.
I think I would stick with the pimples!

Remote control, file transfer and collaboration tool

Space strategy game

Integrated customizable web browser & email client

Customizable application switcher menu

3D OpenGL game based loosely on Minesweeper

Extension, control panel, CSM & CMM info tool

View, edit, and convert most any graphic file format

Firewall stops hackers, intruders, Code Red-type worms

Extensive desktop & file/folder editing & task tool

OpenGL based flying saucer game

Open files, apps & URLs by typing an abbreviation

Chess game for online or network multi-user play

MenuStrip plugin for MP3 & other audio file playlists

Haxie adds WindowShade features to OS X

Adds functionality & options to many OS X features

MP3 alarm clock with several alarm types & options

Launcher palette for files, folders, disks, servers and URLs

Music theory and ear training software

Screensaver

Displays a floating, animated US flag on the desktop

Simple font manager

OpenGL based music demo

Services menu item to search Google with currently selected text