in theGallery

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Sherbet

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Fire

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Tigger

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Topics

Network News

the Apevine

Very Ape

Bananas

Monkie Business

October 29, 2001

GiveAway! - Phase III of our Madness giveaway has come to a close. Stop by on Wednesday to see if you won the $75 gift certificate to Outpost.com!

October 26, 2001

Home Sweet Home! - Ethereal Creations has found a new home! It is now a part of the WhiteFire Ministries family. New to the site are updated gallery pages, an "about the artist" section, and a site update section. Surf on over and give it a look!

October 24- October 30, 2001

Monkie News! - On your mark, get set, and we're off! Let's get a quick run down of this week's events at ye ole Coconut Parlor (AKA: the Monkie Den)!

And the Winners Is - First up to bat are the winners to Phase II of the Monkie Madness Giveaway:

Jon Reisenweaver
&
Jimmy Volker

Congratulations!

Jon and Jimmy have each won a copy of "Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace" on DVD.

 

And now for Phase III: Up for the taking in this phase of the giveaways is: One $75 (seventy-five dollar) gift certificate to:

And as usual, winning is EASY! Simply head over to our Giveaway Page, tell us who you are and submit! CLICK HERE!

 

New in the Gallery: We have 3 new desktops in the Gallery - Sherbet, Fire, and Tigger. The addition of Tigger also marks the opening of a new section of the Gallery called ETC.

We are also pleased to feature Fire by Mr. Todd Darland, who happens to be celebrating a Birthday today! Happy Birthday Todd!

Fall Back - Don't forget to turn your clocks back an hour this Saturday as Daylight Savings Time goes bye-bye for the Winter! That gives you an extra hour to play!

Great Gobs of GUI! - Master Mind Chitwood at Rampant Mac has 3 new wondrous works to feast upon! What? You're not there yet?

All Dressed Up And No Place To Go - Due to tighter airport security, the metal fasteners on women's bras have been setting off security alarms. In response to this problem, Japan is working on developing metal-free bras. Bras will be made with resinous wires and nonmagnetic metal hooks that will not trigger the alarms. The bra will be available in white, orange and blue, and will be sold in sets with matching panties for $31.40 per set. That ought to make some worried fathers a little more at ease! - from Excite

Security Update - Microsoft released a security update for Internet Explorer 5.1 for Mac OSX last Friday. MacCentral reports that "the vulnerability is specific to Internet Explorer 5.1 included with Mac OS X 10.1." Users of Internet Explorer for System 10.04 and earlier are not effected by the glitch. Users can receive the update via Software Update system preference in Mac OS X.

Apple In Store - Two new Apple stores are to be opening soon: One at the Westfarms Mall in Farmington, CT and another at Tice's Corner in Woodcliff Lake, New Jersey. Sources report the openings are scheduled for October 27.

Watch Your Step - The city of Paris has decided that spending $10 million a year to clean up after their 200,000 dogs is not a good use of their time or money. They have decided to place black plastic bags along key dog-walking spots to try to get dog owners to clean up after their own pets. The bags even come with special instructions: "Simply place hand in bag, grab mound, pull bag over hand capturing all, tie securely with a knot and place in bin." There will be a $400 fine for those dog owners who choose not to do their part to help clean up Paris's 16 tons of daily dog mess. - from Excite

Gates Goes "Primetime" - Bill Gates will play himself on an episode of the NBC TV show "Frasier" that is scheduled to air on Tuesday, November 13th. He will be doing a guest spot for the 200th episode of the show, which is in it's ninth season on NBC. In the episode, Bill Gates drops by during Frasier's radio show, offers to field some questions from callers and ends up going on and on about Microsoft. Gates appears on "Frasier" in the middle of a $200 million marketing campaign for Microsoft's new operating system, Windows XP, and was also scheduled to appear Wednesday on the talk show "Live with Regis and Kelly." - from Yahoo

21st Century Love Bug? - A new car developed by Toyota and Sony will be able to express feelings and emotions. Reportedly, the vehicle will be able to "smile, frown and cry, not to mention take your pulse and measure your sweat." The car will show it's emotions by color-coded lights: orange for happy, blue for sad and red for angry. Emphasis will be placed on the car being cute, with the headlights positioned to look like eyes, the side mirrors positioned to look like ears, and the back antenna positioned to look like a tail. The car will be called the "Pod". Toyotas comment on the Pod was that "this concept car explores the potential for communication between people and their vehicle." - from Excite

 

The Santa "Clause" - Need some extra money for Christmas this year? One can make an extra $20,000-$30,000 this Christmas season by playing Santa Claus. Only one catch: the applicants with the real beards are the most likely to get the job. As Nick LeMasters, General Manager of Denver's Cherry Creek Shopping Center said, "Our goal is to enhance the child and the parents' experience." Because of this he requires that his Santas "be naturally bearded." Rick Eggeseiecker of Santaplus, which places Santas in more than 300 malls, also admits that "Santas with their own beards earn more money." Now ladies, ya might want to reconsider that wax job till AFTER Christmas! - from Excite

 

Have you Heard?

G5 Alive? - Earlier word was reporting that Apple's up-and-coming G5 processor might not be able to sport the new 1.6 GHz speeds by the first of next year as was earlier anticipated. However, sources are now reporting that the processor "may yet make it into new Macs early next year." The current hold up is due to 2 major bugs - one of which has been corrected. Still, it might be best to wait for these grapes to ripen.

Apple Welcomes the iPod - Apple has a new product called the iPod which will allow consumers to listen to music from their computers in their cars or on their home stereos. Consumers are able to use the iPod to download music off their computers into a portable system, from which the music can be accessed and played elsewhere. The iPod is portable and electric, has 5 gigs of storage and a battery life of 10 hours. It can hold up to 1,000 songs and will be available in stores November 10th at a suggested price of $399.

Have some inside information on upcoming events? Review our Submission Policy and drop us a line!

Check 'em Out!

HAVE A GAS!! - It is amazing the domain names people will come up with! If you really want to put it to the test, simply type your favorite DUMB word into your browser followed by any of the available domain extensions and fire away! And what would a crazy Monkie type in for fun? How about these:

• www.fart.com
• www.fart.com/magic.html
• www.farts.com
• www.fartmart.com
• www.stinker.com

Be sure to note the second on the list: www.fart.com/magic.html will take you to some pretty nifty magic tricks at www.caveofmagic.com! Check 'em out!

Just Plain Nutz!

YOU MIGHT BE AN INTERNET ADDICT IF (Part I)...

You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue as to when it happened.

Your bookmark list takes 15 minutes to go from top to bottom.

Your nightmares are in HTML and GIFS.

You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

You start introducing yourself as "Jim at net dot com"

Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address on TV.

You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.

Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.

All of your friends have an @ in their names.

When looking at a web page full of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.

Your dog has its own home page.

You can't call your mother... She doesn't have a modem.

You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.

 

 

HOW DUMB CAN YOU GET? (continued)

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m..

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: I have been since early childhood.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A:No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

 

IF THE SHOE FITS

The guy was lonely, and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he
would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink. So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a coke?"

But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the drive in and having a pop with me?"

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.

So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a coke with me?"

A little voice came out of the box: "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes."

 

Have a good line or two that would put a smile on an Ape Face? Check out MacMonkies' Submission Policy and drop us a line!

Odds and Ends

A POEM FOR COMPUTER USERS OVER 30

A computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show of note
A window was something you hated to clean
And ram was the cousin of a goat.

Meg was the name of a girl
And gig was a job for the nights
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bytes.

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano.

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3-inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out.

Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while.

Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode.

Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu.

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead.

 

 

the Bottom Line (What more did you expect?! )

Bayer promises not to sue Canada if they use their meds first! Say WHAT??

Listen to Tori Amos's Strange Little Girls in its entirety until the end of the month

Adds functionality & options to many OS X features

OS X client for the online service (use keyword Beta)

Customizable application switcher menu

Suite of 7 apps for design to web & print

Customizable application switcher menu

Power Mac G4 Firmware Update

Increased security for app access privileges

Simple reminder tool

Extensive 'Get Info' tool for OSX

USB audio support for ASIO-compatible apps

AppleScript makes Dock background fully transparent

Music theory and ear training software

Saves RAM by compressing window buffer memory

32 bit icon & resource editor, reads PC & OS X icons too

Haxie adds WindowShade feature to OS X

Gnutella/Napster client, MP3 tag editor, player, cataloger

Assign hot keys to any OS X app

Extensive desktop & file/folder editing & task tool

Tech preview of the new browser's Carbon version

For Faster Startups

Quick image viewer with resizable thumbnails

Control scroll speed, add proportional scrollbar tabs

Server account creation & password generation tool

Photoshop plugin exports data as OS X icons

Developer software install tools

Disk cleaning & file management tool

Computes Mandelbrot fractals showing Mac cluster cpu stats